Already got asked if we're dating
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
