she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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