He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
