So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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