Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
