Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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