The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
