your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
