I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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