the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
