no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
