i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Randomize
