dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
