drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
