As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize