Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
