there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i came on her dog
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
