the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
