We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize