We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
