I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
