Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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