I puked a lego.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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