You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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