I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
