So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
