o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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