____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
