are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
