i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
