Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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