I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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