Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it because I queefed?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
