Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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