You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
