Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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