im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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