I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
