He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
