i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
