i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
