I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He kissed a someone with a penis
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize