forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
