Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
