Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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