i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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