We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
