I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
