So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
