God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
