I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
