So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you will always have a special place in my vag
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
