My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
