peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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