All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
