Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
