i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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