Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Floor bacon is actually really good
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
