I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
