If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
