In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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