I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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