The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
