Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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