he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize