I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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