So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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