I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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