After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
false alarm. still invincible.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
