I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
