some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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