she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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