I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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