I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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