I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Everything about him screamed your future.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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