One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
