Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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