I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
