She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
