well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
