OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
