it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
