just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
