um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
