Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
