you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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