Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
