And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
