I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is wine microwaveable?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
