i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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