I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
