The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
