what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
