I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
