so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
